whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
