nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
