Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
