Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
