Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you would pick up someone in the library
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
