Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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