I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
