I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My balls are so social today.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
