I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
