Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
