I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
