Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
