I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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