every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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