Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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