Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
