somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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