I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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