If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
