I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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