ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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