just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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