took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
