hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
