I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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