i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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