WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
