i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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