your thong is hanging out like whoa
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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