I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
