Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
