My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
