Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize