Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize