nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
