She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
