I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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