just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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