apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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