What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
