Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
