shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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