I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i drank out of a bidet.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
