It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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