I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
