It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
