This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
