he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
