Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
