You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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