I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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