Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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