You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
