Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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