matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
smell my finger.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
