The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
