So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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