my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
