Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
