Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
