he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
