I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
