youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
