just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
