Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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