he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize