I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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